Crazy Love

I’m not stupid. I wasn’t born yesterday. The facts speak for themselves. I know I can’t be your lover. I know you already have a man. You already have someone to love, but can you still love me? Like a son who shares his mother’s love with his siblings, can I share your love with another?

I surrender. I give up. I give in. I accept the things to which fate binds us. Some things just weren’t meant to be.

As I lay strewn across the table in OR, awaiting the end of this complex operation, you still have a role to play, you still have a part in this movie called life. Will you love me, even though you can’t be my wife?

I’ve been walking on thin ice and I’ve fallen through. I’m gasping for air and grasping for someone to hold onto. Will you save me? Or will you cast me aside, or will you throw me a lifeline?

Even if you can’t be the attending physician, please assist in this delicate operation. Save me. I can see it now. The mother’s tit pulled away. No more milk. The man dying of thirst from a long trek under the desert sun and all you give is a drop of water, but in your house you have gallons. Will you share? Will you save a dying man with a drop of your unconditional love? Can’t you spare an ounce of compassion?

Mouth to mouth resuscitation. Your lips touch mine as you share your breath and bring me back to life. Maybe for a minute. Maybe for an hour. You give me just enough breath to sustain me until I can breathe on my own again. Deep breath. Deep breath. I can feel something happening. I can feel my spirit coming alive again.

You have seen the light. You have seen the path to salvation, just past the pit stop of redemption, a holy place I speed by every day. You see the place where there is light, but why are you afraid to help me and bring me there? You feel so close I can touch you, yet like a star twinkling in the midnight sky, your love glows brightly, yet you are so far away.  Yes. I give up. I surrender. I don’t want to be a burden any longer. But where there is love there is life. Love one another.

Show me how to love you. I can’t love you like my mother. You can’t nourish me and let me suck on your tit. You can’t love me and be my Juliet. But can you fill my ears with words of wisdom with your sweet, soothing voice? Can you sing me a song of love and forbidden bliss? You are the woman of my dreams. The woman I will always miss.

I’m not stupid, but I must be crazy. Crazy in love with you. I must be insane, to think for a moment that you would gift me your love with the sound of your voice, a sound that would relieve my stress and frustration forever. Just say the right words and feed me your love potion one more time. Reach out to me and lend me a hand. Lead me back to a world of peace and tranquility, to the place where you live without me. Take me in and feed me your love, one more time, if only for one last moment.

No matter what you do and no matter how you share your love from the depths of your soul, just remember that any love you give will be a blessing from above, more than I deserve and more than I already have. Say the words to lift my soul and bring me back from the world of the lost and forgotten.  Fill me with your love and bring me back to life with renewed vim and vigor. There are so many words that you can say that would heal the holes in my heart. Think about what you can say, think about what you can do, it will be a worthwhile endeavor. Send me your love, your crazy love, and I will be yours forever.


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